My thoughts are changing. I am going to write more about my personal struggles with the rationale that it is better to write something of substance — regardless of subject — rather than nothing at all all.

The topics I am grappling with are not ones that I am proud of — they are the obstacles that are holding my back in life. It would be so much easier just to talk about a cool new application or my latest php creation, but that won’t serve me in the long run.

I am doing this in a public forum because I don’t think the issues are unique to me, and putting them in writing facilitates clarity. I encourage comments sharing your thoughts and views.

I went to college at the University of California, Berkeley. Both the university and the city are viewed as Mecca for people with disabilities. It was the birthplace of the independent living movement, and is one of the most progressive cities to this day. I mention Berkeley because when I toured the campus, I was told something that I remember to this day:

“Here at Berkeley, an asshole in a wheelchair is still an asshole.”

That is often not the case. I really and truly do not want to be a self-absorbed schmuck, but it is hard to know how to truly reciprocate friendship/love when it has never been expected of you at any real level. Even though I say I want relationships that ignore the disability, I do not know how to act when I have obtained it. Knowing how to be an equal when you are often not viewed as one is a very hard thing. True equality is not just about rights and privileges, but also about expectations and obligations. These are hard to learn, and even more difficult to sustain.

I stumbled on an article yesterday that focuses on the blog format and how to make it active and engaging.

We all know information overload — there is so much content coming at us (both online and offline) that it is nearly impossible to keep up.

My surfing patterns have changed dramatically over the past few months. I do not “go to” sites anymore. The growing popularity of RSS and RSS Readers like Netnewswire (Mac) or FeedDemon (Windows) allows me to skim many more sites (currently I subscribe to over 60) than I would ever be able to if I had to go to each site.

I don’t like to see Labor Day arrive, and not just because it marks the end of summer. It also marks an annual event that is so destructive for disability inclusion: the MDA telethon.

No matter how much money the telethon raises, and whether that money goes for research for the “cure” for muscular dystrophy or it goes to supporting people with MD in leading full and active lives, the underlying message is subversive: we are needy — give us your money.

How does someone hear that message, give money, and then know how to act the next day when someone with a disability comes applying for a job or asking him/her on a date? Some people may be able to tease out the difference, but why make it so hard?

This week’s Domai Newsletter is a magnificent vignette on disability, beauty, and sexuality.(yes, you have been warned.) It is a topic that I grapple with in my own life.

I applaud C’s courage and Andy’s ability to learn and (dare I say) grow from the experience.